My wife’s name is Becki, but I always call her Baby Becks. I suppose it is because there is something truly childlike about her. She always asks why I like her so much and I always reply, “Because you do adorable things all the time.” She never understands this, but I suppose it is all a matter of perspective.

In the spirit of Lou Reed, who wrote songs like “Lisa Says” and “Stephanie Says” and “Candy Says,” I present you with “Baby Becks Says.”

Friday night, Becki and I watched Michel Gondry and Charlie Kaufman’s first collaboration, Human Nature. It was a terribly creative film, but in the world of Kaufman, not quite as unhinged as Being John Malkovich, nor as epic in its construction as Synecdoche, New York.

Early in the film, Becki recognized actor Rhys Ifans, but could not match a name with the face.

“That’s… that’s… oh, what’s his name… that’s LARS ULRICH.”

“No, honey, it’s not,” I replied.

“It’s not? Who’s Lars Ulrich?”

“That would be Metallica’s drummer.”

“Oh.” Funny, funny Becktallica.

Also, Becki has been talking for several days now about the Packers vs. Bears game today. Being from Wisconsin, the Packers are practically family to her.

“Well, today’s the Packers game,” I said upon waking up this morning. “Packers vs. Badgers! Go Packers!”

“Chad! The Packers are not playing the Badgers! The Badgers are another Wisconsin team, and I like them, and…”

This went on for awhile.

“I know that,” I said. “I just wanted to hear you correct me.”

You could walk up to Becki and say, “I, too, like the new Arcade Flood album,” and she would say, “No, you see, it is the Arcade Fire. Fire, not flood.”

Say the wrong thing, and Becki will correct you.

“Becki, my clavicle hurts. See this part on my foot right here? My clavicle? It hurts.”

“Chad, your clavicle is not on my your foot, you see. It’s more commonly known as your collarbone and…”

And she fails to understand why I think she’s adorable?  How cute is that?

My favorite Becki line of recent, however, came out of nowhere last week. Becki always says she is glad I married her. But this time she took it one step farther than usual.

“If you didn’t marry me, my heart would have exploded and Jesus would’ve fallen right outta’ there! And it wouldn’t be because I stopped believing in Him. It would be because I’d be dead.” She went on to explain that if Bill (from Kill Bill) performed the five-point-exploding-heart “trick” on her, this would also prompt Jesus to fall out of her heart. The woman knows her limitations. That’s for sure.