I dreamed last night that my mom had three bulldog puppies, but she said we needed to feed them warm liquor from a dish in order to subdue them so we could skin them. Horrified, I stated in no uncertain terms that I would not be willing to help out with this. But mom poured the liquor for the puppies anyway, and soon they were passed out on the floor.

“The key is to heat up the alcohol first,” Mom said. How did she come up with this?

Next thing I know, Mom is holding up a skinned bulldog puppy, which looks exactly like a cornish game hen one might find in a supermarket.

“Mom,” I asked, “are they going to die?”

“Well, yes, of course,” she said.

She passed the skinned puppies to me, and when I looked at them again, they looked like kittens, but with incredibly short hair. One of them stretched and yawned.

“They’re still alive,” I said.

“Oh,” Mom said. “Maybe the alcohol wasn’t warm enough.” Because that makes sense.

Before I knew it, the kittens were warm and well-adjusted to no longer being skinned bulldog puppies. They were, in fact, quite happy and healthy. Which also made lots of sense, clearly.

Mom said she needed to “stew” the skins so she could sell them. But who would buy the stewed skins of baby bulldogs?

I dream weird dreams all the time.

I want to make a book detailing my dreams, and with illustrations to correspond with each dream. What do you think? Worth looking into?