“Girl Unafraid (to Speak)”: Words Evie Says
“Heaven Knows I’m Adorable Now” Evie says new words all the time. It blows our minds every time she opens her mouth and utters something new. I got Simon Goddard’s Mozipedia: The Encyclopaedia of Morrissey and The Smiths for Christmas this year, and thought Moz might make a most excellent tutor for our tiny...
“I Am Og” (Virtual 7″ from 1991, When CTJ Was 13)
Early on in my “music career,” I was impressed with the recording techniques employed by the producers of the Chipmunks’ music. Which is to say, I recorded this song with my sister at a very slow tempo, played it back at high speed on the “high-speed dub” setting on my home stereo, and then recorded...
Intercontinental Incontinence: Flying the Friendly, er, Fecal Skies
BEFORE I SHARE MY STORY, PLEASE BE SURE YOU WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMEN/WOMEN TODAY IN PROTEST OF SOPA AND PIPA. Wikipedia has made contacting your representatives easy. Click here. I have no idea how I forgot this story. But the other day, it surfaced in my mind like Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing from the bog on Dagobah....
Santa’s Naughty & Nice List for Me and My Twitter Friends
I wanted to give a shout-out to my Twitter friends simply because we are all involved in an ongoing effort to take over the world, to connect with infinite others, to write endlessly, to broadcast (or podcast), and to sharpen one another like so many infomercial knives that can cut through shoes. In light of...
Wheat Three Kings: A (Rightfully) Lost Christmas Story
Wheat three kings set out from Kansas, following a great glowing scythe in the sky. When they arrived at Bethlehem and beheld the Christ-child, they bowed down in worship. But they were dismissed by Mary when they presented their gifts. “Wheat germ? What kind of gift is that for a child?” she said, tears welling up in...
Guest Post by Jennifer Luitwieler: “Emotional Constipation’s Uglier Cousin”
One of the reasons I adore Chad Thomas Johnston and think of him as a brother from another mother is his affinity for stories with a fecal undertone. I was introduced to Chad’s penchant for potty humor through his post on a snow toilet he built with his sister in their yard one winter. They...
CTJ Adds Extra Ham to Bethlehem: New Christmas Cartoon
Yes folks, that is indeed She-Ra masquerading as the Angel of the Lord. A good enough reason for me to say “Fear not!” unto you. The shepherds and cow below belong to a nativity scene my family used to set out each December when I was a child. I often played with the figurines as...
A Photographic Rebuttal of a Plumber’s Anti-Cat Tirade
On April 15th, 2010, on a blog that is now defunct, resting in cyberspace like a Web site corpse on display in a mausoleum (just like Lenin in Red Square), I wrote the post below about a plumber who plagued our pipes with his presence. He also bombarded us with life advice, as if he...
The Assassination of JF(Burger)K(ing): Meeting Doodle #242
I doodle during meetings at work in order to keep my mind from wandering. But sometimes my mind wanders into even weirder territory when the doodles begin to take shape. I still pay attention to the meeting, which explains some of the incoherence of the resulting doodles (i.e. see the inexplicable lower portion of a...
Sock Monkey: “Sock Puppet Murder Manifesto” EP (Free MP3 Download)
Danny J. Gibson and I wrote and recorded this together in one day in the summer of 1999 at his parents’ house in Meadville, MO. It is absolutely terrifying. We were both 20 at the time. Danny created the art for this cassette-only release, which was only reproduced twice – once for me, and once for...
CTJ Designs Inexplicable “Sock Monkeys Licking Wallpaper” Graphic for WritRams.com
My friend Jackie asked me to draw “sock monkeys licking wallpaper,” and since there was a paycheck involved, I didn’t ask any questions. It was like working for the mafia. I sketched the basic image out at a meeting during work (as always), and then created about 3 different drafts of the final graphic at...
(Con)Testing Your Patience: Announcing the Winner of a Contest From, Like, 37 Years Ago
I opened a contest on my blog on May 29th, and the winner was supposed to be announced at the end of June. If you use the same calendar I do, you have probably already figured out that June is in the rear-view mirror, and has been for over a month now. Suffice it to say, life...