Only in Dreams
Only in Dreams #3: Flunking Students and Failing as a Teacher

Only in Dreams #3: Flunking Students and Failing as a Teacher

I taught public speaking at Missouri State University for five years, which is a way of saying I tortured hundreds of students for 1825 days. Which makes me sound like a Third World dictator that should be taken out by the United States. I saw countless students squirm like slices of bacon in a sizzling...
Only in Dreams #2: John Waters and the Stolen Pink Pickup Truck

Only in Dreams #2: John Waters and the Stolen Pink Pickup Truck

My coworker Julia Mitchell has a serious eye for the absurd. While I knew of film director John Waters before I met Julia, she made me a fan of his tacky, trashy aesthetic. Julia let me borrow his sublimely strange film Polyester, which came with a special scratch ‘n’ sniff card – otherwise billed as...
Only in Dreams #1: Bulldog-Puppy Skins for Sale

Only in Dreams #1: Bulldog-Puppy Skins for Sale

I dreamed last night that my mom had three bulldog puppies, but she said we needed to feed them warm liquor from a dish in order to subdue them so we could skin them. Horrified, I stated in no uncertain terms that I would not be willing to help out with this. But mom poured...