Refresh(Mental)
Talkin' Bad High School Poetry #2: Barely Dodged a Beating for This One

Talkin’ Bad High School Poetry #2: Barely Dodged a Beating for This One

This is not an April Fool’s post. I wish it was. But it is probably funnier because it is 100% true. In high school I liked this girl named Heather, and I wrote piles of poems for her, thinking that being a poet would set me apart from all of the other eligible bachelors. And...
Unable to Call for Help When Urine Trouble: Another Toilet Odyssey

Unable to Call for Help When Urine Trouble: Another Toilet Odyssey

I drew the above picture as a mock movie poster awhile ago. But I am starting to believe it has the potential to be a real film. Today’s post is dedicated to my fine friends at #DessertIsland on Twitter who are colossally creative, but do not (yet) wear colostomy bags. I am so glad I...
Excerpt from My 6th Grade Notebook: A Wanted Poster for Criminal Cuisine

Excerpt from My 6th Grade Notebook: A Wanted Poster for Criminal Cuisine

Washer Washer, Dryer Dryer: An Inexplicable Childhood Game

Washer Washer, Dryer Dryer: An Inexplicable Childhood Game

Inspired by @WritRams’ post. Thanks for reminding me of this inexplicable game. When my sister Alyssa and I were smallish, we played a game called “Washer Washer, Dryer Dryer.” It made sense to our candy-addled kiddie brains, but as we grew up, we both realized it made no sense whatsoever. We tried to explain it...
Fantasia Forest: Free eBook by My 12-Year-Old Self (Yikes!)

Fantasia Forest: Free eBook by My 12-Year-Old Self (Yikes!)

I received a letter from a 7-year-old girl in Delacroix, Maryland last week that read as follows: “Dear Chad, When will Fantasia Forest be available as an eBook? I want to read it ever so badly. I am afraid of trashcans, as they clatter so when mother and father empty them into the dumpster in...
Snow Pas: Walking in a Winter Blunderland

Snow Pas: Walking in a Winter Blunderland

In Chapter 3 of my book, The Stained-Glass Kaleidoscope, I write about how my sister Alyssa and I built a snow toilet back in ’94 or ’95. (See above photo of Alyssa and I, taken circa January 2002 on Missouri State campus in Springfield, MO.) I was not lying. Below is an actual picture of...
Feeling Like O. J. Simpson, But Without All the Murder

Feeling Like O. J. Simpson, But Without All the Murder

I wrote this up in October 2009, but did not have a blog at the time. I think you will agree with me that it needed to be excavated from the mine of my mind and posted for all to read. Yesterday, as I drove to Walmart to shop for groceries and supplies, I saw something in the road...
Quack, Quack: Apparently, I Am a Duck

Quack, Quack: Apparently, I Am a Duck

I am apparently a duck. The universe has confirmed this fact for me this week. Exhibit A: My friend Danny says I have always reminded him of Daffy Duck. Exhibit B: Today my wife and I went for a walk at a local track. In the snow. Like idiots. As we trudged around the track,...
The Wisconsinese-English Dictionary: Lesson 1, "Pass Me a Scissors"

The Wisconsinese-English Dictionary: Lesson 1, “Pass Me a Scissors”

While my wife Becki claims to speak English, I would contest otherwise: She speaks Wisconsinese. We have been together for almost four years now and, with the aid of a translator, I have been able to understand more of her indigenous language with the passage of time. For instance, she regularly says “I need a...
Baby Becks Says...

Baby Becks Says…

My wife’s name is Becki, but I always call her Baby Becks. I suppose it is because there is something truly childlike about her. She always asks why I like her so much and I always reply, “Because you do adorable things all the time.” She never understands this, but I suppose it is all...
My Idea of a “Smart Person” in 1989: Jose Canseco

My Idea of a “Smart Person” in 1989: Jose Canseco

My agent Jenée is such a gem. She gave me a few days off from revising my manuscript, and I am enjoying them. I am also looking forward to diving back into it and passing it onto her ASAP. In a variation of the Billy Ocean song, I can only sing, “Get outta’ my nightmares,...
Talkin' Bad High School Poetry #1: (Is There Any Other Kind?)

Talkin’ Bad High School Poetry #1: (Is There Any Other Kind?)

This blog is becoming like a magazine with regular features:  There are the Nightmarriage posts, the doodles I draft during meetings at work (Arts & [Hover]crafts), musical posts (a feature I would like to call Muzack Morris), posts about writing, and posts about religious/spiritual things.  I want to create a regularly appearing feature for my bad high...